Sometimes, when we get wrapped up in our own doubts, fears, and insecurities, we end up convincing ourselves that we wish we were someone else. More often than not, we think and believe that someone — or, rather — most people are better than us in some way. The fact is, most people feel the same way we do!
You spot an amazingly beautiful girl sitting by herself at a bar, casually sipping on her drink. You think to yourself, “She looks so perfectly calm and confident. I wish I had her confidence. Well, maybe I would — if I had her looks!”
But if you could read through her transparent mind, you would see a myriad of thoughts clouding her mind. You’d be amazed at what she’s thinking about herself!
“People must be talking about me, and why I’m here by myself. Guys aren’t approaching me. Why am I not attractive to them? It must because of my ankles, I have no calves and my legs look too skinny. Plus, even if they did come up to me, they’d think I’m not smart enough. I wish I were as intelligent as my sister!”
We look at a young business entrepreneur and say, “All that success and confidence, at such a young age. What more could one ask for?! Meanwhile, he stares at his own reflection in the mirror and murmurs to himself, “I hate my big ears! I wonder why my old friend won’t return my call, I must’ve offended him somehow. I hope my mom and dad work things out and get back together.”
Funny, isn’t it?
How are we to improve upon ourselves when we’re so busy analyzing what we wish we had, to actually work for it?
We look at other people, envy them for seeming so outrageously perfect, and wish we could trade places with them — all the while they look at us, and think the exact same thing!
We’re insecure around other people and feel poorly about our self worth, while they are insecure around us. We suffer from low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, and lose hope in improving ourselves because we are enveloped in quiet desperation.
On the other hand, people often have an irritating habit — like biting finger nails, having a foul mouth, or leaving messes behind — and they themselves never seem to notice it.
I have a friend who never gets tired of talking, for instance. And in most conversations, she is the only one who seems to be interested in the things she has to say. So all of our other friends tend to avoid our company whenever she’s a part of it. Yet, she still doesn’t notice how badly she’s influencing the people in her environment with this habit of hers.
Of course, if you don’t know that there’s something wrong, you won’t know what to change about yourself to make improvements, and subsequently, improve your own self esteem and confidence. Much better than observing someone with envy in your eyes, isn’t it?
The trick to self improvement is to talk to a trusted friend and actually listen to her response. Find someone with whom you feel completely comfortable, and ask her to tell you honestly how others perceive you. Ask specific questions — if you’re generally shy and soft-spoken, ask her if you come off as stand-offish, for instance.
Let her know that you’re interested in self improvement, then lend your ears for honest comments and constructive criticism. Remember, self-reflection comes from an honest perspective that can often only be provided by an outsider. Once you know exactly how others see you, you can be aware of your own self in whole. And once that occurs, you can not only begin to work on your imperfections, but also to discover your self love!
One of Whitney Houston’s songs states that “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.” Truer words have never been said. In order to love others, you must love yourself, first.
Remember, you cannot give what you do not have.
Once you are truly, deeply comfortable within yourself and love who you are to the core, you will inspire others. Through self improvement, you will become a better person, and those around you will naturally follow. You’ll be an inspiration without ever trying!
Stop thinking of yourselves as second-rate beings. Forget that debilitating, repetitive thought that goes something like… “If only I was richer… if only I was thinner… if only I was prettier… if only I was taller… if only I was shorter…” and so on.
Accepting your true self is the first step to self improvement.
We need to stop comparing ourselves to others; we all have our insecurities. Nobody is perfect.
We all wish we had better things, better features, better body parts, better circumstances, and so forth. But life doesn’t need to be perfect for people to be happy about themselves.
Self improvement and loving yourself is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are perfect and you are the best. It’s the virtue of acceptance and contentment.
When we begin to improve ourselves, we begin to love ourselves. And then, we begin to feel content and happy.
Pass it on to others …